In last month’s article, I reconfirmed there were no better minds than yours; and that it is not safe to assume otherwise in light of fall-out in confidence surrounding the loss of Malyasian Flight 370.

In today’s article I want to set the record straight about some of the misunderstanding surrounding who can you trust. I have always thought it best to trust no one. As odd as that might seem, what you are about to uncover by reading this article is an essential truth you have known, but didn’t trust about trust. The confusion and thus the challenge with trust are with whom to be vulnerable? Whom can you trust? The very nature of the question concedes you to be a poor judge of character. By asking the question – “With whom can I trust?” – you admit the following.  “I am not a good judge of people. My friends say I can trust you, but can I?  I don’t know whether to believe you when you suggest I can, or my friends when they say I should?” Question –

What do you need to know in order to be able to trust? 

© Photo by Tom Riddle via Flickr

My advice is to learn to trust yourself to know whom to trust. This shift in logic empowers you not others. Never again will you have to concern yourself with the risk of giving other people, even members of your own family, the benefit of the doubt. Once you learn to trust yourself to know how to interview, raise questions about any doubt you experience, you will never again worry about whom to trust because you have learned to trust yourself. Self-trusting in your ability to be discerning, and, therefore, no longer vunerable with others.

Observant, you learn that people frequently leak, unknowingly revealing their hidden agendas to the confident observer and student of others. Now armed with the ability to ask questions that begged to be asked, and speak your doubt when you feel it, you are no longer vulnerable to what people want you to believe. You can no longer be manipulated because you are no longer manipulatable. You have rescued confrontation from its aggressive reputation and now embrace it as an artful way of interviewing by asking questions and expressing a point of view.

The following interviewing skills will empower your confidence in trusting yourself not others. In trusting yourself, you do not need people to be any way in particular.  People can now be who they are because you will know them sooner, not later, having acquired the art of interviewing. You see people for who they are; you do not need them to be trustworthy.  Gone are the days of cheap trust when you naively believed in people because to do otherwise would be impolite. Polite is no longer at your expense.

Learn the Lessons of Interviewing Others and You Will Begin to Trust Yourself

1. Learn to trust your suspicion. If you feel any doubt about what anyone is telling you, express it at once.

2. Ask to have repeated what you do not understand. “Will you please repeat that?” Step back and observe whether they gloss over the critical details you want explained. If you don’t understand what they are saying, and they can’t explain it any more clearly, it probably doesn’t make sense. Question – Who is the benefactor of your confusion? Stop blaming yourself for not understanding, and stop giving others the benefit of the doubt. It is an important principal to understand everything people tell you. The part you don’t understand is where you are vulnerable.

3. People you should avoid can be discovered by the wake of disturbances they leave behind. If you trust yourself to pay attention you will find there is often controversy around people you need to avoid. Most of these people have a rehearsed explanation for their past history.

© Photo Taylor Schlades

4. Let your suspicion be raised when others use pressure or leverage on you. Don’t be persuaded to rush. Anything worth doing can wait until you have time to think. Time is their enemy and your friend.

5. Be aware of the most complimentary praise and appreciation of others. Observe whether other’s praise serves their purposes or yours.

6. Know your vulnerabilities better than others do. People to avoid play on your vulnerabilities.

7. There are only three responsibilities you owe anyone:

• Tell the Truth
• Keep Your Word
• Be on Time

8. Learn to be responsible to others not for them. How people interpret your intentions or are affected by your honesty is not your responsibility. Question – Who benefits from you feeling guilty?

9. If people speak critically or abusively do the counterintuitive thing by asking them to repeat what was just said.  Once people realize you are monitoring the conversation they will correct their speech if they respect you. If they don’t correct what they have said or the manner in which they said it, trust they mean to hurt you.